From Behind the Badge

Changing Blogs

2010-10-22T06:13:00.000-04:00

Well for the one or two people who still read my blog...... I've decided to change blogs and display name. Since I'm no longer in the law enforcement community, I'm not "Behind the Badge" anymore nor am I a "Lawman".

Since I'm residing out in the country in East Tennessee, I've once again taken up a hobby I had as a teenager. I've started whittling on cedar and pine sticks as a means of stress relief and relaxation. You'd be surprised how restful it is to sit under a shade tree or on the back porch and just quietly whittle away at a stick with a good pocket knife. I have a pretty good pile of shavings going too! lol

So, from today forward, you will find me over at The Whittlin' Stick posting under the name of Whittlin' Man. I don't completely have the blog set up yet. I'm still tinkering with the layout and appearance.

I don't have any plans to delete this page. It's kind of nostalgic to look back at some of the older posts and see what I thought was newsworthy at the time. The comments are often insightful and sometimes good for a laugh when I need one the most.

So anyway, pull yerself up a comfortable chair and sit a spell with me. I'll keep a handy supply of sticks around in case you drop by.

Ego Busters

2010-10-18T08:14:00.000-04:00

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Can you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in daddy's room."

The long silence was broken by his shaky little voice. "The big sissy......"

Go Fly a Kite

2010-10-17T07:39:00.000-04:00

I was trying to fly a kite. I'd throw it up, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it would crash. All the while, my girlfriend is watching from the kitchen window, muttering how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yelled to me, "You need a piece of tail."

I turned with a confused look on my face and said "Make up your mind, last night you told me to go fly a kite."

Karma - The Female Dog

2010-10-12T01:58:00.000-04:00

Oh. My. Goodness. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

I was very proud to have served 20+ years in the Air Force. I had the pleasure, honor, and privilege to work with some of the best and brightest individuals I have ever encountered. I'm also just as proud to say I worked with and for a few great NCO's and Officers who helped forge and temper me into the person I am today.

I also had the displeasure of working for (thankfully) a couple of real slime balls. Take Chief Master Sergeant (CMSgt) William Gurney for example. When I knew him, he was a young Technical Sergeant (TSgt), a quickly rising star on the fast track to becoming CMSgt of the AF. This is the highest position an enlisted person can hope to achieve in the Air Force. Bill kissed all the right posteriors, checked all the right boxes, and lied, cheated, and manipulated his way to the top ranks of the enlisted forces. I was denied several awards and at least one promotion under his influence because, as he put it, "I wasn't enough of one of the boys." You see, I had this nasty habit of calling a spade a spade, and a jackass a jackass. Folks like Bill don't particularly want the ugly truth. Especially if it happens to impede their view of how the World should be. To be fair, Bill didn't stop my awards/promotion himself but his influence did weigh heavily with the folks who do make those decisions.

It appears Bill's days of manipulation and chicanery may have finally caught up with him. CMSgt William Gurney will stand before a General Court Martial on December 6, 2010 and face multiple counts of violating the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ). A few of the charges include: sexual harassment, adultery (yeah, that's still a crime in the military), obstruction of justice, dereliction of duty, and misuse of government property. If convicted of all (or even some) counts, he could face up to 20 years confinement, dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, or other lesser punishments.

At a minimum, his 27 year career is over. Even if he is found not guilty, his reputation is ruined and his credibility flushed down the toilet. Fair or not, that is the harsh reality of military life.

I retired as a Master Sergeant (two ranks below that of CMSgt). Because I only wore the rank for a few weeks before retirement, the rules say I must retire at my previous rank of TSgt. I'm okay with that. I can hold my head high knowing I did not compromise my own ethics and morals just to get another promotion or choice assignment. I'm not so sure Mr. Gurney can say the same.

So, how's "being one of the boys" working out for you now Chief?

Karma. It's a real bitch sometimes.

A Battle of Wits with Unarmed People

2010-10-07T07:20:00.000-04:00

I recently got hired as a supervisor for a local company. MOST of the employees there are good workers who require only the minimal amount of supervision during their daily tasks. That's a good thing as far as I'm concerned since I'm still trying to figure out what MY role is really supposed to be.

I do have one knucklehead, however, that requires more than just a passing glance. Sometimes you just have to lead him by the hand. I've found speaking slowly and using single syllable words helps as well. After explaining the same task to him for about the ump-teenth time tonight, our conversation ended something like this:

Him: "Hey, I'm not a complete idiot you know."

Me: "Really? What part is missing?"

Our Operations Manager just about suffocated he was laughing so hard......

There's a New Sheriff in Town....

2010-09-09T23:12:00.000-04:00

.... And he brought a BIG broom with him. He ain't afraid to use it neither!

Sheriff Armondo Fontes of Cocke County has only been in office a little over a week. He's already fired two deputies, placed at least one other on administrative leave, and given notice to several others that the days of just showing up and collecting a paycheck are over. In addition, the department has already made several important drug related arrests.

My take on it...? WAY TO GO SHERIFF!!! It's about dang time. One of the problems Cocke County has faced for the past 20+ years is the "boys will be boys" and "he didn't mean no harm" mentality that the past several Sheriffs have adopted. The last several office holders have turned a blind eye to way too many illegal activities.

It appears on the surface that the Cocke County Sheriff's Department may just finally become the professional law enforcement agency it should have been all along. Sheriff Fontes is certainly off to a good start anyway.

I just hope that the new found political position doesn't go to Mr. Fontes' head. He made an outstanding Sergeant before being elected as Sheriff. Let's hope he continues that same trend of pride and professionalism.

It's way past time we had a Sheriff's Department the citizens of Cocke County could be proud of.

How hot is it....?

2010-08-18T20:53:00.000-04:00

Ok. Need proof we've had record high temperatures here in East Tennessee? Well here ya go.

Philosophy of Life

2010-08-04T21:33:00.000-04:00

You don't have to actually answer these questions. Just read them straight through, ponder on them, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel Peace Prize.
5. Name the last six Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do? The point is most of us don't remember the headliners of yesterday. All of the people above are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. Unfortunately, applause dies, awards tarnish, achievements are forgotten, and accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another short quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

A little easier, huh? The lesson here is the people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are simply the one's who care the most.

Husbands and Wives

2010-07-14T11:18:00.000-04:00

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'

The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

----------------

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right. The other is a husband.

Public Service Announcement #2

2010-07-02T23:21:00.000-04:00

If you are a moderately attractive female employee, do NOT ask your male coworker if he can "check you out" at the register.

The response you get will probably not be what you intended.

Public Service Announcement

2010-07-02T22:57:00.000-04:00

Here's a good tip to keep in mind:

When asked to present a government issued photo ID while attempting to purchase a firearm, DO NOT offer the sales clerk your State Prisoner Identification Card!!

2nd Amendment

2010-07-02T02:07:00.001-04:00

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Folks, there has been a lot of hoopla, teeth gnashing, hand wringing, and fist shaking going on regarding exactly what the Founding Fathers meant when they drafted the 2nd Amendment to the US Constitution.

Here's my take on it:

At the drafting of the Constitution, this Nation was still a very young colony. A "well regulated militia" was required to protect the settlements from not only invading forces, (ie: Native Americans, British Army regulars, Government soldiers, etc) but also the frequent marauding bear or other dangerous critters. If my history lessons are correct, the militia was made up of respected law abiding citizens who lived and worked in the surrounding area. They were expected to respond immediately when the cry for assistance went out.

You can argue the "militia" phrase should be interpreted to mean only government agencies (ie: military and police) should possess firearms. Keep in mind a militia in those days was comprised of the average citizens living and working in the local villages and towns. They were most certainly NOT "government agents".

I think the Fathers put that amendment there for a very specific reason. It's there in case the Government ever tries to ignore the other Amendments!

Why do I carry a firearm? Because a whole cop would be too heavy.....

Happiness is......

2010-06-22T00:07:00.000-04:00

Happiness is watching the woman who taught you it's okay to love again as she sleeps peacefully in your arms.

Reality Check

2010-06-11T19:22:00.000-04:00

You have two families: "Joe Legal" and "Jose Illegal".

Both families have two parents, two children, and live in California .

Joe Legal works in construction, has a Social Security Number and makes $25.00 per hour with taxes deducted.

Jose Illegal also works in construction, has NO Social Security Number, and gets paid $15.00 cash "under the table".

Ready? Now pay attention...

Joe Legal: $25.00 per hour x 40 hours = $1000.00 per week, or $52,000.00 per year. Now take 30% away for state and federal tax; Joe Legal now has $36,400.00.

Jose Illegal: $15.00 per hour x 40 hours = $600.00 per week, or $31,200.00 per year. Jose Illegal pays no taxes. Jose Illegal now has $31,200.00.

Joe Legal pays medical and dental insurance with limited coverage for his family at $600.00 per month, or $7,200.00 per year. Joe Legal now has $29,200.00.

Jose Illegal has full medical and dental coverage through the state and local clinics at a cost of $0.00 per year. Jose Illegal still has $31,200.00.

Joe Legal makes too much money and is not eligible for food stamps or welfare. Joe Legal pays $500.00 per month for food, or $6,000.00 per year. Joe Legal now has $23,200.00.

Jose Illegal has no documented income and is eligible for food stamps and welfare. Jose Illegal still has $31,200.00.

Joe Legal pays a Mortgage of $1,200.00 per month, or $14,400.00 per year. Joe Legal now has $8,800.00.

Jose Illegal receives a $500.00 per month federal rent subsidy. Jose Illegal pays out that $500.00 per month, or $6,000.00 per year. Jose Illegal still has $31,200.00.

Joe Legal pays $200.00 per month, or $2,400.00 for vehicle insurance. Joe Legal now has $6,400.00.

Jose Illegal says, "We don't need no stinkin' insurance!"
Jose Illegal still has $31,200.00.

Joe Legal has to make his $6,400 stretch to pay utilities, gasoline, co-pays, deductibles, vehicle maintenance, etc.

Jose Illegal has to make his $31,200.00 stretch to pay utilities, gasoline, and what he sends out of the country every month.

Joe Legal now works overtime on Saturdays or gets a part time job after work.

Jose Illegal has nights and weekends off to enjoy with his family.

Joe Legal's and Jose Illegal's children both attend the same school.

Joe Legal pays for his children's lunches while Jose Illegal's children get a government sponsored lunch.

Jose Illegal's children have an after school ESL program.

Joe Legal's children go home.

Joe Legal and Jose Illegal both enjoy the same police and fire services, but Joe paid for them and Jose did not pay.

Do you get it, now?

If you vote for or support ANY politician that supports illegal aliens...YOU are part of the problem!

NGEK!!

2010-06-10T23:51:00.000-04:00

I know it's wrong but I just can't help but posting this one. Maybe it's because of the day I had today but I just about fell out of my chair laughing at this one.

I remember accidentally grabbing a suspect like that during a struggle. He made a very similar sound.......

I've GOT To Get One of These!!!

2010-06-04T00:56:00.000-04:00

Where??!! I want one! I want one! Where do I go to get one of these installed?

Ohio Court Says Cops can Estimate Speed to Write Tickets

2010-06-03T00:13:00.000-04:00

Alright folks, this one has me scratching my head. I can't figure out what the heck the Ohio Supreme Court was thinking on this one. You can read the whole article here but in a nutshell, the OSC has ruled that a police officer can ESTIMATE your speed and write a ticket accordingly.

So what they are saying is that if I, as a police officer, THINK you are going 100 mph in a 40 mph zone, then I can write a ticket and/or haul your carcass off to the lock up without ever having to actually PROVE you were speeding. Or in simpler terms, you are guilty simply because I SAY you are guilty. I saw you weaving therefore you are driving drunk....I didn't see your seat belt therefore you aren't wearing one, here's your ticket...you are under arrest because I suspect you have drugs even though I haven't actually found any.....

This just smacks of idiocy, abuse of authority, and dictatorship. Can anyone besides myself see the implications of this ruling?

I realize Ohio is running out of money but are they really THAT desperate to generate revenue?

TTH, I'm curious as to your take on this one......

Deer Hunting - The Hard Way

2010-05-28T22:14:00.000-04:00

So Bambi decided to cross the road in front of me a couple nights ago. It didn't end well for her or the car.

And I wanted to live out in the country again why?

Flying Lessons?

2010-05-20T01:04:00.000-04:00

Ok, so in my search for a new career I thought I might try my hand at being a pilot. I drove by the local flight school. This is what I saw:

Maybe this isn't the right school for me after all........

A Question

2010-05-09T21:03:00.000-04:00

Normally, I don't do this sort of thing but I thought I'd give it a chance......

I have an opportunity to enroll in the next police academy. If I could get my state certification, I would be much more marketable to the local police departments. There is still no guarantee I'd ever be hired.

So here's my question:

Should I go for it or just give up on my dream of ever being a "Lawman" again?

To Blog, or Not To Blog......?

2010-04-30T23:14:00.003-04:00

That is the question. I've been keeping this miserable little page on life-support for some time now. I keep hoping I'll uncover some undiscovered creativity and actually get to post on a regular basis again.

Ain't gonna happen folks. The Muse that was my inspiration must have finally given up hope I'd ever make a decent writer and went looking for greener pastures.

After a bitter divorce, retiring from the military, and moving back to where I was raised, there just isn't that much interesting stuff going on around me any more.

I dunno. Is it worth trying to keep this page going? Should I just pull the plug on it so people can clear their links list to make room for better stuff?

The Job

2010-04-16T20:53:00.003-04:00

I found this little ditty a while back. It perfectly describes my current occupation:

I'm not allowed to run the train
the whistle I can't blow
I'm not the one who designates
how far the train will go
I'm not allowed to blow the steam
or even ring the bell
But let the damn thing jump the track
and just see who catches hell!

Hope ya got a little chuckle to start your weekend off with.

10 Rules for Men to Follow For a Happy Life

2010-04-08T00:26:00.002-04:00

1. It is important to have a woman who helps at home.

2. It is important to have a woman who cooks from time to time.

3. It is important to have a woman who keeps the house clean.

4. It is important to have a woman who has a job.

5. It is important to have a woman who likes you.

6. It is important to have a woman who can be your very best friend.

7. It is important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

8. It is important to have a woman who you can trust, who doesn't lie to you.

9. It is important to have a woman who is passionate in the bedroom.

10. It is very important that these nine women NEVER EVER meet each other!

Walmart - Interesting Facts

2010-03-24T15:28:00.003-04:00

1. Americans spend $36,000,000 every hour every day at Walmart.

2. This works out to $20,928 of profit every minute.

3. Walmart will sell more items from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March 17) than Target will all year.

4. Walmart is bigger than Home Depot, Costco, Kroger, Sears, K-Mart, and Target combined.

5. Walmart is the single largest private employer with 1.6 million employees. Most speak English.

6. Walmart is the largest company in the history of the World.

7. Walmart now sells more food than Kroger and Safeway combined. And they did it in less than 15 years.

8. During this period, 31 supermarket chains sought bankruptcy.

9. Walmart now sells more food than any other store in the world.

10. Walmart now has approximately 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are supercenters. This is 1000 more than it had 15 years ago.

11. This year, 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur at a Walmart store. The Earth's population is approximately 6.5 billion.

12. 90% of all Americans live within 15 miles of a Walmart store.

Now, you may think that all this is a rant or complaint against Walmart Corporation. What I'm really doing is laying the ground work that MAYBE the folks that run Walmart should be in charge of fixing the economy.

The idiots in Congress apparently don't have a clue.

The Economy Is Soooooo Bad.........

2010-03-10T23:59:00.002-05:00

- I got a pre-declined credit card offer in the mail.

- I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Are you sure you can afford fries with that?...."

- CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

- When the bank returns a check for "insufficient funds", you don't know if they mean you or them.

- Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM and Ford.

- Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned the names of their own children.

- For the first time in history, people are getting caught sneaking INTO Mexico.

- Motel Six isn't leaving the light on any more.....

- Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

- Congress is looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal. Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the clowns who made $1.5 TRILLION disappear!

Time Flies....

2010-03-10T23:57:00.001-05:00

Holy cow!

Has it really been over two months since I last posted to this blog?

I gotta get busy typing..........

Merry Christmas to All

2009-12-24T18:12:00.003-05:00

Well, another year has come and just about gone. Once again, it's time to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Whatever your religious preference is, I wish you joy, gladness, and a holiday season full of love and laughter.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

As seen at the Local Wal-Mart......

2009-12-11T23:23:00.003-05:00

A man and his wife were doing some shopping at Wal-Mart. As they were on somewhat of a conservative budget, the wife was painstakingly checking prices and deciding if the merchandise was something they had to have or could do without.

As they passed by the beverage section, the husband sees his favorite alcoholic brand is on sale. He promptly picks up a case and puts it in their cart.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.

"Well honey, this is my favorite drink and it's on sale for $12 a case." says the husband. "Well put it back," says the wife, "We can't afford it."

A few isles later, the wife picks up a $24 make-up package and puts it in the cart.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.

"That's my make-up dear. I wear it so I will look pretty for you." replies the wife.

"Hell fire!" says the husband. "That's what the beer is for and it's HALF THE PRICE!!"

........

Over the PA system of the store is heard: "Clean up in health and beauty aids. We have a husband down!"

Howling at Wollf

2009-12-09T01:00:00.002-05:00

You just gotta go read this one for yourself. It's a real side splitter.

Clickky the linkky here.....

And thanks for the laugh Wollf. I really needed one.

RETIRED.........

2009-11-24T00:10:00.002-05:00

Howdy Y'all! Bet ya been wondering where I've run off to.

Well.........

As of the middle of October, I've begun my transition back to civilian life. After 20 years of active duty service in the Air Force, I have decided to retire. I will be officially retired as of 1 January 2010.

In the mean time, I've been enjoying some much needed time off, moving back home to East Tennessee, sitting in a tree stand, and generally taking Life one day at a time.

Of course, moving back out into the country means I don't have access to broadband internet any more. This here dial up thingamajig my parents have just doesn't lend itself to a whole lot of web surfing.

Oh well. I guess I can keep myself occupied by chopping wood, feeding the livestock, riding horses, and hunting various woodland critters.

Y'all stop by fer a visit sometime ya hear?

Support Welfare

2009-10-13T21:50:00.002-04:00

Arriving in Style

2009-09-26T22:31:00.004-04:00

This photo is of my dad and Mrs. Rhoda Wise. Mrs. Wise celebrated her 99th birthday this year. Our church had it's annual homecoming service earlier this month.

Since the church was doing it's "Old Time Days" at the same time, several of us rode horses and/or buggies to church. The buggy is a 1910 doctor's buggy that dad and I restored over the past year or so. If you do the math, that was the same year Mrs. Wise was born. As far as we can tell, it was built in our hometown, had two other owners before my dad, and never left our county.

Anyway, I just thought I'd share a little history with you. Hope you enjoy.

License and Registration Please?

2009-09-23T22:35:00.003-04:00

Moar phunny goggies

Ex- Wife Pilot

2009-08-31T21:56:00.003-04:00

My ex-wife started taking flying lessons about the time we filed for divorce. She was awarded her pilot's license shortly before our divorce was final that same year.

Yesterday afternoon, I got a phone call informing me she narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft she was flying. It seems she was force to make an emergency landing due to bad weather. I'm just glad our children were not with her.

The FAA issued a preliminary report citing pilot error. She was flying a single engine aircraft in Instrument Flight Rating (IFR) but only had a license for Visual Flight Rating (VFR). The absence of fire after the crash indicated insufficient fuel on-board. No one on the ground was injured.

The below photograph was taken at the scene to demonstrate the damage to her aircraft. She was really lucky.....

How to tell the Gender of a House Fly

2009-08-28T22:37:00.002-04:00

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

'What are you doing?' She asked. 'Hunting Flies' He responded. 'Oh....! Killing any?' She asked. 'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' He replied.

Intrigued, she asked 'How can you tell them apart?'

He responded..........

''3 were on a beer can and 2 were on the phone.''

Discovery

2009-08-25T06:55:00.003-04:00

I just realized something.

As I transition from military to civilian life, several things are happening. One of those is a series of Transition Assistance classes. These are things like resume writing, interview skills, Veteran's Affairs benefits, etc. During the classes, we get to wear civilian clothing.

After having spent 20 years in uniform, I made a profound discovery this morning...

I have absolutely no idea how to dress "civilian business casual"!

Home Security

2009-08-12T22:17:00.002-04:00

'nuff said.....

Racism in America

2009-07-29T17:19:00.003-04:00

Ok folks. Get ready for a Lawman rant. As my grand pappy used to say, "I've had it up to hear with this bull and I ain't gonna take it no more!".

I've been following the whole Sgt Crowly vs Henry Gates thingamajig. Mr. Gates is claiming the Sergeant is a racist and only arrested him because "he was a black man in America" after the Sgt responded to an alleged home break in call.

Did the Sergeant make a bad arrest? Did Mr. Gates make the situation worse by playing the race card?

I don't know. I wasn't there, haven't seen any of the evidence, haven't heard the tapes, nor have I reviewed the camera video/audio from the police cruiser.

What I DO know is that I'm sick and tired of hearing "You racist bastards only arrested me because I'm a black man in America" every single time a person of color gets the handcuffs slapped on them.

Does racism happen in America? Unfortunately, sometimes yes it does. Do blacks get profiled unfairly? Yes and no.

When I worked in Bossier City as a Reserve Officer, one particular section of the city was overwhelmingly populated by blacks. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out the race of a potential suspect in that area. On the same token, another section was predominately populated by Caucasians. I didn't go looking for non-white suspects there unless the complainant happened to give a description of a non-white person.

Sorry to bust your bubble here folks but the facts have been proven over and over. A large portion of the black community does in fact commit crimes. Don't believe me? Pick up a couple copies of any black rap artist's (and I use that term loosely) albums. If you pay attention to the lyrics, it's basically a repetition of glorifying drugs, abusing women, shooting cops, skipping out on their illegitimate children, and destroying the very fabric of society.

Are there good blacks out there? Absolutely! I'm honored to call quite a few of them my friends. They are some of the most decent, hard working, upstanding folks I've had the privilege of meeting. Most of them would give you the shirt off their back if you were in need of it. The rest would go get one you could have as your very own.....

Ok, so who's more racist? Blacks or whites?

Here's a little test for you. If you are white, take a stroll down the street after dark in a predominately black neighborhood. If you're black, take that same stroll in a white neighborhood. Let me know which of you is more likely to come out on the other end without being assaulted at least once.

Racism is alive and well in America today. I'll bet ya dollar-to-a-donut more blacks are racist toward whites now than whites toward black.

Did I offend you? Well, sorry about that. Maybe I hit a little to close to the heart with you.

On the death of MJ

2009-07-23T19:14:00.004-04:00

The following was allegedly written by a young soldier on his third tour in Iraq. I have no idea if it's authentic. I like the message so I'm posting it anyway. I can relate to this passage on a very personal level. As of this November, I will be retiring from active duty service after 20 years in the Air Force. I have spent the better part of my adult life shedding my blood, sweat, and tears so that the majority of the American populace can live in their ignorant bliss. MOST people in this country are too dumb to know what is really important in life. As long as they are free to pursue their own happiness, they could care less what the cost of that freedom is.

"So that others may live...."

-----------------

Okay, I need to rant.

I was just watching the news, and I caught part of a report on Michael Jackson. As we all know, Jackson died the other day. He was an entertainer who performed for decades. He made millions, he spent millions, and he did a lot of things that make him a villain to many people. I understand that his death would affect a lot of people, and I respect those people who mourn his death, but that isn't the point of my rant.

Why is it that when ONE man dies, the whole of America loses their
minds with grief. When a man dies whose only contribution to the
country was to ENTERTAIN people, the Amercian people find the need to flock to a memorial in Hollywood, and even Congress sees the need to hold a "moment of silence" for his passing?

Am I missing something here? ONE man dies, and all of a sudden he's a freaking martyr because he entertained us for a few decades? What about all those SOLDIERS who have died to give us freedom? All those Soldiers who, knowing that they would be asked to fight in a war, still raised their hands and swore to defend the Constitution and the United States of America. Where is their moment of silence? Where are the people flocking to their graves or memorials and mourning over them because they made the ultimate sacrifice? Why is it when a Soldier dies, there are more people saying "good riddance," and "thank God for IEDs?" When did this country become so calloused to the sacrifice of GOOD MEN and WOMEN, that they can arbitrarily blow off their deaths, and instead, throw themselves into mourning for a "Pop Icon?"

I think that if they are going to hold a moment of silence IN CONGRESS
for Michael Jackson, they need to hold a moment of silence for every
service member killed in Iraq and Afghanistan. They need to PUBLICLY recognize every life that has been lost so that the American people can live their callous little lives in the luxury and freedom that WE, those that are living and those that have gone on, have provided for them. But, wait, that would take too much time, because there have been so many willing to make that sacrifice. After all, we will never make millions of dollars. We will never star in movies, or write hit songs that the world will listen too. We only shed our blood, sweat and tears so that people can enjoy what they have.

Sorry if I have offended, but I needed to say it. Remember these five words the next time you think of someone who is serving in the military;

"So that others may live..."

40 Years Ago Today

2009-07-20T17:42:00.002-04:00

On this day, 40 years ago, a human foot step was placed upon the surface of the moon for the very first time. It was the culmination of dedication and hard work by a team of determined men and women hell bent on doing what had never been done before.

And then then something happened. Where are all the men and women like those of yesteryear?

Could it be that the era of Government hand outs and punishment for achievers has removed any incentive to go the extra mile?

Ever wonder why fewer and fewer true innovations are occurring in today's world?

I'm just sayin'..........

The Farm Show Story

2009-06-28T11:21:00.002-04:00

My girlfriend and I went to the local county farm show. One of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and the sign on it said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." My girlfriend nudged me and said, "50 times. That's almost once a week."

The second pen had a sign that read, "This bull mated 150 times last year." My girlfriend gave me a healthy jab and said, "150 times. That's over twice a week! You could learn a lot from this bull."

The third pen had a sign in big bold letters that said, "THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR." My girl was so excited she nearly broke my ribs. She exclaimed, "That's once a day! You could REALLY learn from this one!"

This is the point where I looked at her and remarked, "yeah, but ask him if it was with the same old cow."

My condition has been upgraded from critical to serious. The doctors all say I should make a full recovery.....

Holy Crap!

2009-06-22T16:39:00.001-04:00

Has it really been this long since I last posted on this blog?

Dang.

I should probably post something........

Security System

2009-06-07T09:17:00.002-04:00

I've been looking to install a security system in the house. I think I'll go with this one......

Hug

2009-04-29T21:46:00.002-04:00

*Sigh*

It's only Wednesday and it's already been one of those weeks. I feel just like this little fella.....

Worst Slide Ever?

2009-04-24T23:42:00.003-04:00

Umm.... I have to wonder what the engineer that designed this one was thinking:

What exactly are they trying to say here?

More Funny (but True) Quotes

2009-04-21T16:58:00.003-04:00

I saw a couple more of those funny quotes I talked about a few posts ago. Without further ado, here they are:

- Annoy a Liberal; Take Personal Responsibility for Your Actions.

- Annoy a Liberal; Use Logic and Rational Thought backed by Evidence in your Conversations.

Strip Searches at School?

2009-04-20T18:09:00.003-04:00

Ok. I'm going to chime in on the topic of allowing school officials to strip search students. The Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) will be hearing a case regarding this very topic. It all started, apparently, when a school principal in Arizona decided he needed to strip search a 13 year old girl because she was accused of having Ibuprofen pills and gave a couple to a fellow student. You can read the whole CNN article here.

Now, I'm all for trying to keep drugs an other illegal items out of the school building. However, I think that was just a little heavy-handed if you ask me. Yeah, ok. So I realize it was done in a private office by female staff and the school nurse. Come on though! My goodness, what are they gonna do when a student gets accused of having PCP, heroin, or Meth?

I don't think too many people have an issue with school staff randomly searching lockers or even back packs. My son's school even has the local K-9 unit bring his dog through every so often.

Heck, I'm a cop and I can't even strip search a known criminal without a search warrant, two EMT's, a shift supervisor, the Mayor, three lawyers (the suspect's, the Department's, and MINE!), and the neighborhood dog watching to make sure nothing inappropriate is happening.

And yet, the school is maintaining they should have the right to humiliate a young lady all in the name of Zero Tolerance. I'm sorry but I think that is going a little too far in this circumstance.

"Zero tolerance" should not mean "Zero Common Sense" either. Let's hope SCOTUS hasn't lost it's common sense either.

A Quote

2009-04-15T19:24:00.002-04:00

Every so often I come accross a funny quip, quibble, or quote that makes me laugh. I found such a poster today. I reads simply:

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and Congress." - With apologies to Mark Twain

Ain't it the truth?!

Words to Live By

2009-03-27T22:17:00.003-04:00

The following is a message I received today from the Senior Intelligence Analyst at the unit I'm assigned to. She has 30 years of civilian service in the Intelligence Community. She is one of the most intelligent (no pun intended!), most experienced, and most professional people I've had the pleasure of working with. Recently, she had to depart to her native Puerto Rico for a family emergency. She sent back the following message. It struck me pretty profound. I hope you can get something from it as well. (Note: I have removed all personally identifiable information from the message)

-----------

Dear XXXX Family: good morning. As some of you may know, I am onemergency leave. The thoughts I will be sharing with you are a direct reflection of this experience and my hope that you may gain some value from my experience.

The 26 March 2009 date, in theory should had been the most important milestone in my career. More important than my DISL appointment or the date I got to earn 8 hours of leave every pay day; this was my 30th year in government service. This date, I thought, was going to be the happiest, most enduring.

It was the opportunity for the World to say "Thank you, XXXXX, for a job well done". Well, the day was significant for a very different reason. I found myself on a 6 hour plane ride, a 4 hour car ride after that and in an intensive care room, on my knees asking God the opportunity to tell my Aunt (a Mother figure to me) one last chance that I loved her and to say thank you for all the things she did for me. I hope that she heard me...but I will never know. She is in coma and not likely to come out of it.

So, why this note? A long time ago one of my dearest mentors at XXXX noticed I was always nervous prior to a presentation. He pulled me aside and conveyed to me an extremely powerful lesson I have applied since. He said "XXXX, every message you give is intended for one person in your audience. This individual needs to hear what you are saying because a life, a program, an activity will be impacted by your words. So, go out and be sure in that audience of 2 or a thousand, that one person receives your message". So, for that one person who needs to hear this message, here it goes.

- Living is not about tomorrow. Living is about making TODAY your masterpiece. Tomorrow is not promised.
- There is indeed order in life: God, family and nation.
- Reach out to the ones you love: your family, your friends, yourco-workers, your community.... Tell them you care, and you love them; tell them the importance they play in your life. Do it today.
- Be your brother's (or sister's) keeper. At the end of the day, we only have each other. Get yourself involved. Make today count for the good.

My hope is that you will gain some value from my experience and avoid some of the pain I am going through today. Please know that I am proud to serve with you. Please know that what you do is important to XXXX and to our nation. Please know your service counts. So, my dear friends, I am on my way to make today count for the Good. Please go out and do the same. God bless you all and God bless America.

Nominee for Dumbass of the Year

2009-03-22T18:23:00.002-04:00

Ok. You're 20 years old. You've been consuming alcohol. You're driving daddy's nice new car. All of your friends are outside watching you. Three uniformed police officers in marked patrol cars are on the other side of the parking area watching your every move because they've already received several complaints about the crowd of ne'er-do-wells congregating. What do you do?

Well, this bright young man thought it would be fun to squeal his tires taking off and slide the car sideways out of the parking lot. He then brakes hard, skids sideways, and spins the tires again getting back in the other entrance to the parking lot.

Dumbass.

How much easier can you make it for the po-po?

Urine or You're Out!

2009-03-13T19:12:00.001-04:00

Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job.. I work, they pay me.. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit.

In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a random urine test with which I have no problem. What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test.

So here is my Question. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for them? Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sitting on their rump--doing drugs, while I work.

Can you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check? I guess we could title that program, 'Urine or You're Out'!

Monday

2009-03-09T22:16:00.001-04:00

Good Cop/Bad Cop

2009-03-07T12:54:00.002-05:00

I was going through some old pictures the other day and found one of me and my old partner. I'll leave it up to you to decide which of us is which.

$7 Sex

2009-02-21T17:46:00.002-05:00

This one is for a dear friend who's going through a rough time in Life right now.

You know who you are. I'm still here if you need a shoulder to lean on.

-------------------------

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?" The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.

The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but Ihave to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"

The man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She'smarried so we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house.The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare."

I Feel Old

2009-02-19T18:30:00.002-05:00

So I was standing in the office today reminiscing with a fellow Sergeant about when we were fighting the First Gulf War waaaaaaaayy back in '90. We were havin' ourselves a grand old time talking about the "good old days" when Airman Babyface walks by.

Quotes Airman Stillwetbehindhisears, "First gulf war...I think I was only TWO YEARS OLD then....."

Dang whippersnapper. Think I'll beat him with my walker.......

Problems in Nirvana

2009-02-14T08:41:00.002-05:00

I don't get this. The Chosen One, aka President Obama, was supposed to right all the wrongs, banish the Conservatives, kiss the children, and pay everyone's bills for them.

After anouncing the newest Stimulus Plan details, the stock market immediately tanked. The Democrat led Congress now has a lower approval rating than it did when G. W. was still POTUS.

Was that supposed to happen?

Five Minute Management Course

2009-02-13T19:28:00.003-05:00

LESSON NUMBER ONE:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of him. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

LESSON NUMBER TWO:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand, but changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

LESSON NUMBER THREE:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

LESSON NUMBER FOUR:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

LESSON NUMBER FIVE:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. 'They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bull Sh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

LESSON NUMBER SIX:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

How Many Zeros in a Billion?

2009-02-07T22:03:00.004-05:00

The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of it's releases.
A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive on Earth.
C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.
E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain... let's take a look at New Orleans .. it's amazing what you can learn with some simple division.

Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D) is presently asking Congress for 250 BILLION DOLLARS to rebuild New Orleans .

Interesting number... what does it mean?

Well... if you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, and child) you each get $516,528.

Or... if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.

Washington D.C., HELLO! Are all your calculators broken??

Accounts Receivable Tax Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax) Liquor Tax
Luxury Tax Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax Property Tax
Real Estate Tax Service charge taxes
Social Security Tax Road Usage Tax (Truckers)
Sales Taxes Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Tax Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax Workers Compensation Tax

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago and our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, we had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What happened? Can you spell 'p-o-l-i-t-i-c-i-a-n-s'?

And I still have to press '1' for English.

WTF??

Hail to the Chief

2009-01-20T18:46:00.003-05:00

Well, it's official. Barack Hussein Obama is now our 44th President of the United States (POTUS).

I must have missed something.

According to the news media and other Obamamaniacs, the sky was supposed to part, sunshine was supposed to beam down, Angelic hosts were supposed to start singing, while Heavenly trumpets proclaimed the Chosen One was officially Large and In Charge.

I didn't hear a single trumpet. Nor Angel voice. Nor did I see a single extra ray of sunshine. Maybe I was just too busy working my arse off defending the freedoms that allow this Nation to have over hyped extravagant wastes of taxpayer money like today's festivities. I dunno.

If President Obama was supposed to right all the wrongs, save the World, and give us Utopia on Earth, why did the stock market close posting losses across the board? The DOW was down as was NASDAQ. Wasn't he supposed to be able to fix all that within 10 minutes of assuming the Office?

Don't get me wrong. I wish our new President all the best luck. He's going to need it. I don't think I could shoulder all the responsibilities belonging to POTUS. It's a very demanding job requiring the best of the abilities of whoever is sitting in the chair.

That being said, somehow I can't shake the feeling that all the hype and talk of "Change we can believe in" is going to prove to be so much hot air.

I'm curious as to how the media is going to portray him if the economy continues to crash, terrorists strike US soil again, and American business continue to buckle under oppressively high taxes.

Time will tell. And we will be watching.....

Caffeine Overload

2009-01-16T10:48:00.002-05:00

Ever feel like this after a few too many cups of java?

Lousy Cop

2009-01-05T18:19:00.002-05:00

The following article was written by Trooper Mitchell Brown of the Virginia State Police. Tragically, he was killed in the line of duty two months after authoring the article.

--------

Well, Mr. Citizen, it seems you've figured me out. I seem to fit neatly into the category where you've placed me. I'm stereotyped, standardized, characterize, classified, grouped, and always typical. Unfortunately, the reverse is true I can never figure you out. From birth you teach your children that I'm the bogeyman, then you're shocked when they identify with my traditional enemy... The Criminal!

You accuse me of coddling criminals......Until I catch your kids doing wrong. You may take an hour for lunch and several coffee breaks each day, but point me out as a loafer for having one cup. You pride yourself on your manners, but think nothing of disrupting my meals with your troubles.

You raise hell with the guy who cuts you off in traffic, but let me catch you doing the same thing and I'm picking on you. You know all the traffic laws...but you've never gotten a single ticket you deserve. You shout "Foul!" if you observe me driving fast to a call, but raise the roof if I take more than ten seconds to respond to your complaint. You call it part of my job if someone strikes me, but call it police brutality if I strike back.

You wouldn't think of telling your dentist how to pull a tooth or your doctor how to take out an appendix, yet you're always willing to give me pointers on the law. You talk to me in a manner that would get you a bloody nose form anyone else, but expect me to take it without batting an eye. You yell something's got to be done to fight crime, but you can't be bothered to get involved.

You have no use for me at all, but of course it's OK if I change a flat for your wife, deliver your child in the back of the patrol car, or perhaps save your son's life with mouth to mouth breathing, or work many hours overtime looking for your lost daughter.

So, Mr. Citizen, you can stand there on your soapbox and rant and rave about the way I do my work, calling me every name in the book, but never stop to think that your property, family, or maybe even your life depends on me or one of my buddies.

Yes, Mr. Citizen, it's me... the lousy cop!

Merry Christmas to All

2008-12-24T21:03:00.002-05:00

Merry Christmas everyone! I just wanted to make a short post to say thank you to everyone that stops by to read my humble little page. On days like this I try to take a few minutes to reflect on the things that matter most in life. The two most important to me are family and friends.

I'm honored to have met the new friends I've made through this page and others. May the Spirit of the season fill each of you. And may also the true reason we celebrate this holiday be found in your heart.

May God bless each and every one of you in the coming year. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!!

It's YOUR son.....

2008-12-06T22:43:00.002-05:00

Admit it. How many of us have had this conversation?

C'mon be honest!

Scared Stiff

2008-11-23T18:39:00.002-05:00

Run for the hills! Run for the hills!!

My son got his Driver's Learner Permit on Friday afternoon. We've been practicing driving all weekend. Well... He's been practicing. I've been in a near panic and doing a lot of talking to God.

Ok. I gotta come clean. He's actually doing quite well for as little experience as he has. I just wish I had something smaller than that extended cab F-150 I drive for him to learn on. You know, something more like the '75 Ford Pinto my parents had when I was learning.

One of THOSE Days

2008-11-10T21:10:00.003-05:00

Did you ever have "One of Those Days"? I think I'm having "One of Those Months".

There is a particular personality in my office. Most of our conversations aren't very pleasant. Today's was no different. The ending of it sounded like me saying something like this:

Somehow, I get the feeling this is going to be a VERY long week.........

New Ride

2008-11-05T21:46:00.007-05:00

Ok. As promised, here are a few more pictures of the buggy my dad has been working on. Unfortunately, I don't have any of the "before" pictures to post with the "after" ones. The buggy is a Doctor's Buggy originally built in 1910. We still need to get the top on it but it's mostly done.

Mostly done

Front View

Finally got the dashboard on

Horse and buggy together

That's my paw in the last picture. The view is looking directly out from the house. The horse is named Andy. You can't tell it from the picture but he's spoiled worse than the average house dog. He gets a bucket of sweet feed every night and all the petting and brushing he can stand still for.

We took the buggy out for a test ride. Let me tell you, Cadillac doesn't have anything on this rig. It was smooooooth. I'm already planning my next trip home so I can hitch it up again.

New Beginnings

2008-11-04T20:55:00.003-05:00

Alright.

I've felt sorry for myself long enough I think. Time to shake off the blues, pick up the pieces of my broken heart, and move on with this crazy ride I call a life. My marriage of 11 years is over. I don't like it but there isn't much I can do for it now.

Whenever I need to renew, I take a trip down to my parent's farm in East Tennessee. It helps me to ground myself, refocus, and start anew. I usually keep myself busy with chores and projects around the farm. As much as I hated it as a boy, there is something relaxing and restorative about baling hay, milking cows, and tending garden. As an added bonus, dad usually has some pet project he's working on at any given time.

This time was no different. He was working on a project mom and I have been after him to do for about thirty years. He finally started working on it. Here's a little teaser to get you started. I'll post more when I get organized.

Writer's Block - Part II

2008-10-13T09:11:00.002-04:00

Ok. I think I figured out the source of my Writer's Block.

It stems from my broken heart.

More on that subject another time.

Writer's Block

2008-10-11T11:16:00.000-04:00

Mid-Life Crisis

2008-09-30T19:48:00.003-04:00

I received this one from a friend a while ago. I've been saving it for a rainy day. Since I was in need of a good laugh today, I thought it the perfect time to share with you. Hope you enjoy!
---------

After being married for 44 years, a gentleman took a careful look at his wife one day and said, "Honey, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black andwhite TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old gal. Now I have a $500,000.00 home, a $45,000.00 car, nice big bed, and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me thatyou're not holding up your side of things."

His wife is a very reasonable woman. She told him to go out and find a hot 25-year-old gal, and she would make sure that he would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV!

Fatherly Advice

2008-09-21T20:27:00.002-04:00

So my eldest comes in today with a question. One of those, "Dad, I just don't understand this" kind of things.

Being the fatherly type that I am, my response to him was simple:

9-11-01: We Shall Never Forget

2008-09-11T21:45:00.000-04:00

Or have we?.......

China Arnold - Life without Parol

2008-09-08T18:46:00.002-04:00

For those of you following the story: China Arnold has been sentenced to Life without Parole for the microwave death of her 28 day old infant.

Miss Arnold's attorney has already filed an appeal on the grounds of "prosecutor misconduct". Let us see if Justice will be served or perverted in the end.

I'll make this comment on the case: I don't know what really happened in the apartment that tragic night. I do know this. The fact she admitted to being so drunk "she doesn't recall what happened" makes her at best guilty of child neglect, abuse, and endangerment. Maybe she will get the murder conviction overturned. Maybe the prosecutor should have went after the child neglect/abuse charges instead.

The real victim in this whole ugly mess of a case? The 28 day old infant who was helpless to stop the mistreatment she suffered.

Birthdays

2008-09-01T16:31:00.001-04:00

Birthday... yeah. Mine. And it's today.

....and I'm sitting here in my empty house, alone.

Bad Cop! No Donut!

2008-08-19T20:58:00.002-04:00

Well here we go again. Looks like another of Tennessee Highway Patrol's finest got caught with his hands in the cookie jar. LT Ronnie Shirley has been suspended as a result he used Law Enforcement systems to conduct unauthorized background checks on various people. You can read the whole news article here.

Look Ron, haven't you ever heard the old adage about curiosity and the cat? I mean, c'mon dude! How long did you think it would take before someone caught on to what you were doing? You know THP is already under a microscope as a result of the rampant cronyism, ticket-fixing, and political arm-twisting scandals. Why paint a bull's eye on yourself?

Conversations with Convicts

2008-08-18T16:13:00.003-04:00

We have a Village Idiot In Training in our office that just can't seem to stay out of trouble. You'd have thought after the fourth or fifth time the authorities caught him in the act of mischief he'd have got the message by now. After the last go-around, I asked him what happened. This was his response:

Dumbass.

Camping

2008-08-10T12:33:00.003-04:00

Aaaahhhhhhh......

I just got home from a week of camping in the Smokey Mountains. I don't think I've been this relaxed in a LONG time. I should have done this months ago.

I took a few pictures on my 35mm camera (forgot the digital one). If I can ever get the roll used up and developed, I'll try to post some of the better images.

Parenting At It's Best

2008-07-30T14:34:00.003-04:00

So the Deputies (my sons) were arguing about something trivial this morning. In true "Dad" fashion, I solved the problem for 'em:

More Pictures

2008-07-30T10:26:00.002-04:00

"Hey, those were great pictures but how come you aren't in them?"

OK. Here's one with me in it. Happy now?

Picture of an old derelict tank in Rustamiyah

Deployment Pictures

2008-07-24T16:13:00.004-04:00

Ok, so someone said I should post some pictures of my deployment. Here's a couple to get you started:

This one is a picture of the Baath Party Headquarters building.

One of the very few remaining pictures of Hussein left intact. Most of the others have been destroyed.

Wollf

2008-07-24T16:05:00.004-04:00

So I found this little guy over at loldogs and immediately thought of the Theocracy's Pater of Prowling. Ain't he cute?

Opinions... Best Kept to Yourself

2008-07-22T13:27:00.003-04:00

How much you wanna bet this driver didn't get off with a warning?

Home!!

2008-07-15T17:02:00.003-04:00

Guess who finally made it home last night?

I'll give ya three chances and the first two don't count! lol

All I can say right now is, "Wow! What a ride!"

Give me a few days to recover, reorganize, and get into a routine. After that, I should be back to blogging on a somewhat regular basis.

Okay... Off to bed I go before I fall asleep at the keyboard again............

Almost Done

2008-07-07T03:57:00.003-04:00

Howdy Y'all!

Thought I'd drop a quick note to say I'm almost done here in Iraq. With any luck, I should be heading home very shortly. It's been a wild ride these past few months.

The landscape is MUCH different from when I first got here. The government is stabilizing, the communities are starting to thrive again, commerce is starting to flow, and the insurgents are on the run.

There are thousands of good hearted, hard working, dedicated citizens in Iraq. Most of them have been intimidated for so long they are afraid to stand out. That trend is changing! More of them are taking a stand against lawlessness and the street thugs. It's a beautiful thing to behold. Not all Muslims are blood thirsty, hate filled, raving madmen. Many of them (the moderates) have a solid sense of family, decency, and community. It's the radical minority that is giving the peaceful majority a black eye.

Ok, with that being said..... I gotta get myself back to work. With any luck and the good graces of God, I'll be back to blogging from Stateside before long. Inshah Allah!

Message from Mesopotamia

2008-06-13T14:19:00.003-04:00

Hello all! Sorry I've been absent for so long. You wouldn't believe me if I tried to explain why I've not been posting so I won't even try.

I'm down to just a few weeks left here in Iraq though. I should be home and back to blogging normally in no time!

I'll leave you with a few tidbits I'm sure the Main Stream Media isn't reporting.....

- Overall, attacks against coalition forces are down all across the Country
- Hundreds of new schools are opening each month
- Thousands of children have the opportunity to learn to read and write
- Power generation is at it's highest level since before Desert Storm
- The insurgency is showing more and more signs of being broken and shattered
- Iraqi military and police units are stepping out more and more on their own and providing safety and stability to the Nation
- Iraqi people are starting to show national pride in their country, cities, and neighborhoods

How's that for fighting a "lost cause"? ha!

All About Perspectives

2008-03-21T10:29:00.002-04:00

So he said, "Try to see things my way." So I said.......

Surprise!!

2008-03-20T10:18:00.003-04:00

Bet y'all thought you weren't gonna hear from me again!

Sorry to be away so long. Been lots 'O happenin's in these here parts lately. Mostly it's been me getting royally pissed at the asinine stance the Air Force is taking on certain situations. I'll explain that more in detail when I have more time and I'm not so angry I'll write something that might come back to haunt me later on.

Until then, I'm still safe and sound here in Baghdad. Hope y'all are having a better day than I am.

News From Iraq

2008-02-23T05:22:00.003-05:00

Howdy Y'all. Glad you're still stopping by. Sorry I haven't written anything in a while but we've been fairly busy here of late.

I guess you've seen in the news where we got hit with a fairly elaborate rocket and mortar attack over the past few days. This is the first time in several months we've been hit. I don't know if this signals new hostilities. It might just be the wackos are coming out of the woodwork now that the weather is warming up.

Al-Sadyr (one of the local religious bully-boys) apparently has ordered his band of followers to not attack Coalition Forces in Baghdad. We'll see how effective that speech was. Even if his group abides by the cease-fire, there are hundreds of factions out here who don't give a hill of beans about cease-fires. They just want to kill infidels (that's us by the way).

So, I'm off to see the wizard again...er, off to work again. Catch y'all next time. Same bat time, same bat channel.

Public Health Warning

2008-02-15T10:00:00.003-05:00

We in the Air Force have always tried to keep the best interest of the People at heart. For example, we recently released the following public health notice:

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) the bacteria found in feces.

In other words.... we are consuming 1 kilo of Poop. However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine (or beer, tequila, rum, whiskey, or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering, and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of s##t.

Apparently some people are drinking WAY too much water.

Jacob the Syrian Hamster 2005-2008

2008-01-28T09:50:00.000-05:00

As Knight Protector and Defender of Yarn Balls to the Feline Theocracy, it is my sad duty to inform you of the passing of our loyal Beedle. Jacob the Syrian Hamster passed quietly in his sleep.

Jacob had many adventures as chronicled on The Scratching Post. I'd encourage you to go read about some of them.

It's amazing how the fuzzy little guy burrowed his way into our hearts like we were so much bedding. He will be saddly missed by all who knew him.

Rest well my little friend. May God grant you eternal peace.

Things I've Learned in Iraq

2008-01-22T05:04:00.000-05:00

There are certain things you pick up on in a combat zone. Here are a few of them:

- Incoming fire has priority.
- Friendly fire isn't so "friendly".
- Everyone listens to Reason. "Reason" is the name of my 40mm grenade launcher.
- Hot water is available up until the very moment you step into the shower stall.
- Never bring a knife to a gun fight.
- Never bring a rifle to a tank fight. (trust me, this one wasn't pretty)
- That clanking sound you heard was your spare .50cal barrel falling off your truck.
- In a firefight, there is no such thing as "too much ammo".
- The last thing you ever want to hear from your convoy commander is, "Aw crap! I think that was our turn back there". After that, you end up in Bad Guy Land.
- Some days, you're better off staying in bed.

Hope everyone out there in Blog Land is doing well. I'll post more when I get the chance.

Global Warming Debunked

2008-01-14T00:07:00.000-05:00

We now have definitive proof Global Warming is just a myth.

For the first time in over 100 years of recorded history, Baghdad received it's first....... SNOW!!

We didn't have any accumulation but the flakes were definitely falling. One of the Iraqi translators working with me said it was the first time in his life (he's approximately 60) he's ever seen snowfall.
------

All is well here in Iraq. It's colder than bejeepers today though. No one is shooting at me, mortars aren't falling, and I have internet access... What more could you ask for?? lol

Why I hate Drunk Drivers

2008-01-01T10:28:00.000-05:00

THIS is why I have zero tolerance for anyone who consumes alcohol and gets behind the wheel of a vehicle.

From the front page of CNN (emphasis mine):

TOLEDO, Ohio (AP) -- A drunken driver went about four miles down a highway in the wrong direction before his pickup truck slammed into a minivan, killing a woman and four children and injuring three others, police said Monday. Michael Gagnon, 24, drove north in the southbound lane of Interstate 280 late Sunday, colliding with the minivan and leaving scattered toys, stuffed animals and bits of gift wrap along the edge of the road, Toledo police said.
An 8-week-old girl was among those killed. Gagnon had a blood-alcohol level of .254 after the crash, more than three times Ohio's legal limit of .08, police said. He was charged Monday with aggravated vehicular homicide.

THIS is why I favor the Death Penalty for ANYONE who causes a fatality while under the influence of alcohol or other controlled substance.

Gun Control and Emotions

2007-12-23T16:43:00.001-05:00

I found an article dealing with the Virginia Tech shooting and the push by some of the family members of the injured to change the gun laws in Virginia. (You can read the whole article here.)

Basically, the families want to change the laws to make it harder for those deemed mentally deficient by the courts to obtain firearms. They also want to make background checks mandatory for any firearm purchase at gun shows, expos, or private sales.

I don't have a problem with that. The officer that was supposed to be my trainer when I first started working in Bossier City was killed by an individual with a LONG history of mental illness.

The problem is, most "gun control" measures are doomed to failure before the ink is even dry. The average criminal (or those with less-than-honest intentions) don't really give a rat's hind parts about gun laws or whether their gun was obtained legally or not.

My suggestion to those folks is to push for removing the so called "gun free zone" laws that prevent law abiding citizens from protecting themselves. If I remember correctly, Columbine, the Amish school, Virginia Tech, all have one thing in common. They are all listed as "almost gun free" zones.

I say "almost gun free" because it seems the only people there who had a firearm were the wackoes hell-bent on wreaking death, destruction, and mayhem.

Ever wonder why you don't see anything in the news about a NRA meeting being attacked?

Tagged!

2007-12-21T15:05:00.000-05:00

I've been tagged! The Truth Hurts over at Memphis, Etc got me with the Christmas Tag. Man, I gotta find a new hiding place. People are finding me even over here in Iraqistan. hehe.....

Ok, then. Here we go:

The rules: Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog. Share Christmas facts about yourself. Tag random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

So, on with the question and answer part........

1. Wrapping or gift bags? Both. It depends on the gift and who it's for.

2. Real or artificial tree? Artificial this year. Next year I'm gonna get one we can replant.

3. When do you put up the tree? Around the 15th or so.

4. When do you take the tree down? Usually Jan 2

5. Do you like eggnog? Yes. Without the "egg" or the "nog" (can't stand to even smell the nasty stuff! yuck!)

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Probably the hand sewn quilt with pictures of kittens on it my Godmother made for me. A close second is the Mossberg shotgun my dad gave me when I was 9 years old.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yep. Wouldn't be Christmas without one.

8. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Divorce papers.

9. Mail or e-mail Christmas cards? Both. I like sending traditional paper cards but special friends usually also get a funny E-mailed one as well.

10. Favorite Christmas movie? A Christmas Carol with George C. Scott

11. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Usually around the 1st of Febuary. That's when all the great sales are taking place.

12. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Anything I can get on my plate!! I was raised in the South. Need I say more?

13. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Colored. There is no other way.

14. Favorite Christmas song? Anything that doesn't get played a gazillion times on the radio stations.

Alrighty then.... KT Cat and Brooke are hereby tagged! I can't wait to see their responses.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!!

How Much Will This Cost?

2007-12-17T22:01:00.000-05:00

Some days I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Today is one of those days. It started out innocently enough until a co-worker walked up and said, "Hey! You used to be a police man. Lemme ask you a question about something...."

I should have taken that as my cue to run away. As I hadn't had my morning cup of java yet, my mental processes were still somewhat sluggish.

Note to self: Never leave your hooch until AFTER your first cup of coffee.

Okay, so here's the story my fellow service member laid out for me:

I got a call from my wife last night. She told me about getting pulled over in a school zone. She said the officer claimed to have clocked her doing 55MPH in a 20MPH zone. (audible groan from me) She also said there was a school bus off-loading children.... with it's warning lights active...and she was on her cell phone....while not wearing a seat belt. (more audible groans from me) So how much do you think the ticket is going to cost?

Umm.... dude, you don't make that kind of money! He didn't tell me where "home" was. I can only suppose the local laws are similar to what I'm used to. Let's break this down, shall we??......

55MPH in a 20MPH zone: Let's see, that's more than twice the legal limit. In my old precinct, that gets you a one way trip to the city jail and a nice citation for public endangerment. Since my bud didn't mention a ride in a cruiser, I"m assuming the officer took pity on her in that respect.

Passing a school bus with it's warning lights active: Short of urinating on the Court House steps, I'm not sure there is a worse thing you could do to piss off (pardon the pun) a Judge or jury. I've seen murderers and rapists get more compassion from the judicial system that a driver who didn't heed the warning lights on a school bus.

As for the cell phone and no seat belt charges, those are so far down on the "don't care" list compared to the other two I wouldn't even worry about those.

So what's it gonna cost for the court appearance? Let's put it this way Skippy..... Your darling sweetheart will be lucky to avoid seeing the inside of the local lock-up by the time the hearing is over. She can probably kiss her driving privileges good-bye for a while as well. And I hope you've good good credit. You're probably gonna need it to pay for all the fines and penalties she's sure to incur.

And people have the nerve to tell me talking on a cell phone while driving is no big deal.......

FDA Renames Viagra

2007-12-13T20:51:00.000-05:00

LOL!! You've got to head over to American Crusader's blog and read the post he did on the FDA renaming Viagra. You'll laugh yourself silly over this one.

---------------------------

Things are going well here in the Cradle of Civilization. Don't believe everything you see in the news folks. It's not as bad over here as the MSM would like you to believe.

Surprise!!

2007-11-27T21:58:00.000-05:00

That's right loyal readers!! It's a brand new post from the Lawman!

I finally found an internet connection and thought I'd post a short message to say I was still alive and doing well.

As things get more settled, I should have more time to hop on the 'net and browse my favorite sites as well as try to keep this faultering page on life support. Hopefully, I'll get to post a few things as mission and security rules permit.

Until then.... Best of luck to ya all and stay safe!

Justice in America

2007-10-31T19:33:00.000-04:00

I'm sure all of you have heard about the Westboro Church Fruitcakes. I'm not talking about the kind you get for Christmas gifts from grandma either. I'm talking about those loons from the so called "fundamentalist" Baptist church who insult the memory of slain American soldiers by protesting at their funerals.

Well, one father had had enough. When Westboro nuts chose to protest at his son's funeral, he hired a lawyer and promptly sued the socks off them. He claimed invasion of privacy and emotional distress among other insults. Apparently, the jury agreed with him (so do I for that matter). Excerpts from the Foxnews article are below. My comments in red. You can read the whole article here.

BALTIMORE — The father of a fallen Marine was awarded nearly $11 million Wednesday in damages by a jury that found leaders of a fundamentalist church had invaded the family's privacy and inflicted emotional distress when they picketed the Marine's funeral. Albert Snyder of York, PA, sued the Kansas-based Westboro Baptist Church for unspecified monetary damages after members staged a demonstration at the March 2006 funeral of his son, Lance Cpl. Matthew Snyder, who was killed in Iraq.

The jury first awarded $2.9 million in compensatory damages. It returned later in the afternoon with its decision to award $6 million in punitive damages for invasion of privacy and $2 million for causing emotional distress to the Marine's father, Albert Snyder of York, Pa.

The defense said it planned to appeal and one of the church's leaders, Shirley Phelps-Roper, said the members would continue their pickets of military funerals. Church members believe that U.S. deaths in the war in Iraq are punishment for the nation's tolerance of homosexuality.
Before the jury began deliberating the size of punitive damages, U.S. District Judge Richard Bennett noted the size of the compensatory award "far exceeds the net worth of the defendants," according to financial statements filed with the court.

How much you wanna bet they're hiding something? You don't travel all over the nation for free ya know.

Snyder's suit named the church, its founder, the Rev. Fred Phelps, and his two daughters, Shirley Phelps-Roper and Rebecca Phelps-Davis, 46. Snyder claimed the protests intruded upon what should have been a private ceremony and sullied his memory of the event.
Attorneys for the church said in closing arguments Tuesday that the burial was a public event and that even abhorrent points of view are protected by the First Amendment, which guarantees freedom of speech and religion.

Ok, I'm about fed up with this whole "my hate filled vomit is protected by the First Amendment" crap. Yes, the First Amendment does in fact protect freedom of speech. What it does NOT protect is hate spewing, violence inciting, bigoted diatribe. I can't go running through an airport screaming "BOMB!" can I? Shouldn't that be MY freedom of speech? Umm... no. The government is well within it's rights to put certain limits on what is uttered in the public arena. Mr. Phelps is welcome to spew whatever hatred he wants from his own pulpit. When you step into the public view, there are certain rules that must be followed.

In his closing arguments during the punitive damages phase, plaintiff attorney Craig Trebilcock described church members as bullies who "seek out those among us who are at the weakest point in our lives. That's why they've gotten away with it until this point," the attorney said, adding that grieving families were too weak to fight back until this man.

Defense lawyer Jonathan Katz reminded jurors that punitive damages are designed to deter future conduct, but not bankrupt or financially destroy.

I beg to differ. How many small companies have closed their doors after defending themselves from lawsuits and having to pay millions of dollars in fines? I'll bet Mr. Katz even worked for the prosecution on some of them.

It was unclear if the plaintiffs will be able to collect the damages awarded. The defense attorney said the assets of the church and the three defendants are less than a million dollars and the compensatory award is about three times the defendants' net worth, mainly in homes, cars and retirement accounts.

Awww......poor things. Does this mean they'll have to give up traipsing all over the Nation making fools of themselves? I surely hope so. Maybe I'm just a cold hearted barbarian but I find it hard to believe their "oh, woe is us! we're so poor" baloney. As stated before, if they can afford to travel all over the US to inflict insult on grieving families, they can afford to pay what the jury has awarded.

In his rebuttal, Trebilcock said it was up to jurors to decide the truthfulness of the financial documents, noting the documents show Rebecca Phelps-Davis has $306 in the bank.
Trebilcock noted Phelps-Davis is a practicing attorney and pointed to testimony by the defendants showing how much they traveled to spread their message.
"Rebecca Phelps has $306? She must be using Priceline.com. It doesn't make any sense."

I'm sorry. Even Priceline can't help you with only $306 in the bank. And the fact Mrs Phelps is a PRACTICING lawyer proves that to be a sham. Most lawyers I know charge around $200 just to answer the phone when you call their office.

Church founder Fred Phelps held a sign reading "God is your enemy," while his daughter Shirley Phelps-Roper stood on an American flag while carrying a sign that read "God hates fag enablers." Members of the group sang "God Hates America,"' to the tune of "God Bless America."

I don't know what God you worship Mr. Phelps but the God I believe in is probably more pissed off at you than He is at the sometimes misguided policies of this Nation. The God I worship would not want me trampling on the memory of a slain service member. Just because you CAN do something, doesn't mean you SHOULD do that something.

Fighter Pilot vs Intelligence

2007-10-20T09:20:00.001-04:00

As some of you know, I just can't resist poking a little fun at my Officer brethren. It's one of the fundamental duties as an NCO to deflate their egos every chance we get. Here's another example: